Hello 2012, I'm so thankful to make it to another year! Winter Break is just about over and I've been putting in some time toward that positive self-meditation that I try to do at the beginning of every year. I need to come to terms with my struggles from last year and make a decision to either move on completely, improve somehow, or continue to let myself dwell on those imperfections.
Everything with graduating late, not feeling worthy, feeling 'out of place,' and all of the above needs to end. Just before 2011 ended, my Mom told me, "You've messed up." I know she was looking forward to me graduating this year more than anything but I'm not going to be able to give that to her. But how many times am I going to let her make me feel this way? That I'm not capable of maybe doing something amazing this year? It's up to me now, no excuses.
Regina Brett wrote a story of how one of her closest friends lives each day by the phrase, "Get to," and it is applicable to pretty much everything we do everyday. Most of us always say (including me), "I have to...," "I don't want to...," at the start of each day. Try to replace those phrases with "Get to." For me, I'd be complaining about starting school again, but no, I GET TO start another semester of school. I think saying those two words can help to be a constant reminder of our blessings. I GET TO wake up early for school everyday, I GET TO eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. I GET TO talk to my parents on the phone when I get home from school. It doesn't seem like obligations saying things this way, it's showing gratitude for all the little things in life that we overlook.
So yes, the song that I embedded at the beginning of this post is my anthem for this year:
Just the way that I am
Yes I feel lovely
The way that I am
I need that to be enough for you
Need that to be enough for you
Cause it's enough for me
It's enough for me
Am I supposed to give up everything I am
Just to make you happy?
I thought I was the one you
Always wanted me to be
It turns out I'm just little old me
I'm just little old me
And that's fine by me"
I AM LOVELY, JUST THE WAY THAT I AM. And no one or anything should change that. Of course I have things to work on, just like everybody else, but I will not let myself be sucked into the, " you need to change in order for people to like you," scheme. Because it's a lie. We're meant to be unique and beautiful in our own way. If everyone just stopped trying so hard to be someone else, I can guarantee that happiness would come much easier.
I get to BE ME this year. I may have "messed up," but there's still room for redemption and growth. I'm done with trying to impress people all the time. I'm making way for a better me and that's enough for me.
