“You closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too — even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”
— “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom
After successfully completing my PEDS/OB rotation, I realized that I've never cried so much during a semester at MSMC. I thought that last year was tough, and it was, but that's because I tried doing things all on my own and I know that's why I fell into my all-time spiritual low. This past semester taught me how to depend on other people and gave me the opportunity to help my classmates too.
Even though those past 15 weeks were physically and mentally straining, it gave me the chance to really bond with my friends and make new study buddies as well; it was like a gift in disguise. I honestly don't think I could have made it through this semester without having people to study with on campus for 8+ hours a day and to push me to do better. There was a point where I thought I wasn't capable of raising my grade after failing my first exam. But I just kept telling myself to have faith and to do my best. And it was a true blessing to have my friends there along this whole emotional journey.
I was hurting, but I could see that they were hurting just as much. We shared our fears with eachother, even saw eachother cry for the first time. But no matter how much work I had to get done on my own, I made a commitment to myself that I would help anyone along the way who needed it, and that's exactly what I did. Fortunately, God blessed me with the gift of critical thinking for my pediatrics class and I did really well on all of the exams. So I took the time to tutor/quiz my study group & some girls in my clinical group, made songs for them to remember specific diseases, and tried my best to explain the material in an easier way. It was heartbreaking to see how much they were struggling in this class and I honestly just wanted everyone to do better. It gave me THE BEST feeling to see them improve from exam to exam and getting their texts saying, "THANK YOU!!!" with smiley faces after grades had been posted.
In return, I received the same type of help for OB, which was the class that I was personally struggling with and I couldn't be more grateful. Nursing school can honestly be a big bitch at times, but the beauty of it is going beyond what you think you're capable of. You NEED support to get through. You NEED that go-to person when you have a shitty day. You NEED those people in your life who can understand and empathize with what you're going through. Nursing school isn't meant for me to suffer alone, it's so clear to me now.
It feels good knowing that I've gotten past the embarrassment of asking for help. I don't let my pride get in the way anymore and I am more active in terms of admitting my weak points. I guess I'm growing up and I'm looking forward to my next rotation to learn and grow.
Winter Break has been amazing so far. I'm finally getting the chance to spend time with all of my friends. I went to Vegas this past weekend and today I went to a potluck/white elephant gift exchange with Pangkat Pilipino's E-board and PACN board. I'll admit that I am nervous for PACN season, but after today I felt like we're going to work really well together and have a memorable experience, despite all of the stress. I'm excited to be teaching my own suite and to bond with my dancers. I missed on PACN last year, so I'm going to have to make up for it this time. At first, I was doubting my decision to become a cultural coordinator, but now I feel more confident that this is going to be an amazing opportunity.
I can't wait to work with these people ^_^ Happy Holidays from "PaPi's" E-board and PACN board!
