"Make Peace With Your Past So It Doesn't Screw Up The Present."
"Have you ever had one of those days, where everything is fine and then suddenly isn't? Nothing on the outside has changed, but everything inside you just did. Something you can't name happened, and all of a sudden you find yourself at the bottom of a hole deep inside yourself.
The goal isn't to walk around the whole. Or get out quicker. The goal is to fill the hole so no one else falls in it. What do you fill it with? God. Which is to say, love: love of self, love of others, love of God.
The last time I climbed out of the "I'm not enough hole," I prayed, "How will I ever believe that I'm good enough? The answer came in that small still voice from my heart: "By helping others believe that they are good enough."
- Regina Brett
I'm really enjoying this book so far. It's getting me to that place that I always try to avoid: finding out what is REALLY bothering me instead of finding small excuses to cover it up. Of course the answer to most of my problems is to "Let go and let God," but lately I haven't been able to do that.
I've found that my way of making myself feel better is through doing things for other people. Since Christmas is around the corner, I've been using Christmas shopping as a way to distract myself. It makes me happy when other people are happy. And that led me to this thought: sometimes I feel like I love the people in my life more than they love me. That's a BIG reason why I don't let people in, because if I do, they might let me down. I depend on myself for pretty much everything and I think that's a good thing, to a certain extent. I feel like I'm the person who would go out of my way if a family member or friend really needed me, but would it be the same the other way around? I'm not so sure. I guess I just need someone to remind me that it would be.
I remember I was playing a game once with my brother, sister in law, and a bunch of friends from home. The question was something like "Out of all the people in the group, who would you want to see after a long trip away from home?" We had to guess how the other people would vote and I was thinking that someone would put me down, but out of everyone, no one did. And I think that everyone else in the group voted for eachother. Of course at the time I laughed it off, but that honestly could've made me cry on the spot and that stuck with me ever since.
The question isn't, "Are they good enough for me?," It's, "Am I good enough for them?" Maybe not and maybe I'll never be. I just have to remember that. I think the reason I depend on God so much is because I know that He could never truly let me down. I just wish that I could say the same for the people in my life.
