But I guess this is a wake up call? A sign to try harder? Sometimes I just feel like giving up...but you know what?...it's okay to feel hurt and pain because that makes you stronger. It's okay to fail sometimes because that is how you learn where you went wrong and it gives you a chance to fix it. So I am not going to sit here and feel ashamed. I'm human. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect even though I would like to think I am. I'm still young and have so much to learn. There's gonna be bumps in the road but I can't let that throw me off course. I have to stay focused.
School overwhelms me. The responsibility and choices that shape my future freak me out but I'm trying my best to decide what is right for ME. Whenever I make academic decisions, all I hear are my parent's voices in the back of my head. I have always listened to their input about what I should do with my life. Sometimes I'm scared to tell them what I really want and sometimes it's hard to distinguish MY goals from THEIR goals for me. I know they want what is best for me and that is why they have encouraged me to pursue nursing as a career. I really don't mind pursuing nursing as a career because it is a great profession. But when I was writing my personal statement for the nursing program, I couldn't come up with genuine reasons WHY I wanted to be a nurse. There are SO many options in the health field besides nursing and I think I really want to look into that. Switching my major to public health and science is what I want right now because I feel that it would open up so many doors for me in the health field. I would have the chance to explore other branches of science other than nursing and I would really love that. So I just have to summon up the courage to tell my parents what I really want. Sometimes I forget that it's MY life too. I hope that my parents will accept my decision because I could really use their support right now...
Anyway, Christmas is in less than two weeks and I am LOVING the spirit of giving and generosity at the moment. Giving gifts is one of my favorite things because I love bringing joy to other people. I gave my co from Liwanag Khrystyn her gift yesterday and I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it. For me, giving gifts definitely comes from the heart and it's something very special to me...so hooray for the chance to make people happy :) I am so glad that I have been blessed with wonderful friends. They keep me grounded and support me through all of my struggles and the love that I have for them could never amount to any words. Although I may feel broken at many times, there is no doubt that I am blessed and if I can just keep that in mind then I'll be okay.
