How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?
One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.
Lord God, it's really hard to see you right now. The plans that I have made for myself have failed, I HAVE FAILED. But what breaks my heart the most is that I feel l have failed You. I'm on my knees Lord, begging you to send me a sign. What am I to do now? I know that you have a plan for me, something beyond my own control...but what is it? Because I'm trying so hard to hear you in the silence of my heart and over my own tears. I'm falling, Lord, and I NEED You to show yourself to me in some way, shape, or form. I feel weak and I need Your guidance to help me get out of the hole I have dug myself in.
I don't want to have to leave UCI. I really don't. My life is HERE, my heart is HERE, my second family is HERE. If all this would be taken away from me I don't know what I'd do. How would I tell my friends that I'm leaving? My heart is too weak to do that. I hate the fact that I feel I am being controlled...that I can't make my OWN decisions. I shouldn't have to feel GUILTY about going after what I WANT. What I want is NOT wrong, but it is in your eyes. And that makes me feel like dirt, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you...but let's face it, I've never been good enough for you, Mom. And that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that you don't care about what I'd be leaving behind if I switch schools. I wish you were understanding, I really do...because right now you're limiting me to reach my full potential. There are other ways in life to be successful. I hate how you've tried to make me believe that there is only ONE road to success this whole time. I've been looking at the world through a narrow scope when there is SO MUCH MORE out there. Why can't you see that? I'm so close to the breaking point, but I'm trying my best to keep my head above the water...I hate having to say this, but from here on out, I need to make the MOST out of my Spring Quarter because it could possibly be my last one here at UCI.
I feel numb and I feel weak. Lord God if You're everything you say you are, won't you come close and hold my heart?
