Yesterday night was my "last" Benefit Concert. It's crazy how 4 years have already gone by and just seeing a full house in SSPA was amazing. Liwanag is love and that's what I will always love about this family.
I was really looking forward to being on that 'spiritual high' after last night. I don't know what it was but I don't think I got to that point. I remember that feeling from the previous benefit concerts I've been to and I'm pretty upset that I didn't open my heart up enough this time around. I don't know what it was. I knew that I was going to be tired because I had a 4:45am-6:45am shift that same day. Usually I can just power through being tired if I'm surrounded by people that I love, but I don't think I can do it anymore. I've been noticing signs of my spiritual low: sometimes not wanting to go to church, not praying as much as I used to, not stopping by the chapel at school to pray the rosary anymore, and obviously I haven't had the time to go to Liwanag either.
I'm pre-occupied and I can't focus on Him enough. I'm letting school get in the way and I am not happy about that at all. I'm trying my best to put my faith into action with all of the community service I've done this past semester, but it's still not fulfilling. Not being active in Liwanag anymore is really taking a toll on me and that's not supposed to be happening. I know that just because I'm not at UCI anymore shouldn't be an excuse to stop seeking Him elsewhere. The LOG alumni give me that inspiration to be okay without being active anymore, but it's hard. For one, I am not an actual alumni. Secondly, I'm obviously still not over the fact that I had to leave. I miss it every single day and no matter how busy school keeps me, I know that Liwanag is the only thing that could fill what's broken.
I have A LOT of things to deal with, but I'm letting school take up all of my time. I can't focus on You as much as I should and I'm deeply sorry for that. I need my life to mean something again. I need some help finding my way back and I don't know how.
