I feel like dealing with change has become such a big part of my life, that I've learned to become flexible and open to new things. It was difficult at first because I have to admit that I enjoy familiarity and comfort, I mean, who doesn't? My life took some major wrong turns and I've dealt with it by having to adapt to new surroundings. I'm not the most social person and I don't consider myself someone who makes friends easily. So how I got to where I am now really surprises me actually. Some nights I sit up and wonder why things fell into place as they did. I came across this quote that ties into this whole thing:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let them go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe
'Good things fall apart so better things can fall together,' I have become a strong believer about that for sure. I don't ever want to think that things aren't somehow going to get better. But it's also scary when things go well because I just wait for the worst to happen. I know that's a bad way to think, but there's always that cycle of ups and downs. Fortunately, it's amazing to see how God can restore His faith in you after you've been through so much and you've wanted to give up multiple times.
I was thinking to myself the other day how fast my two years at MSMC flew by. I'm finally in my 'third year' of the program and graduation finally feels like it's within my reach. When I had to 'start over' I was so discouraged, but now I feel like if I can just successfully pull myself through the toughest year of the program, then I WILL be okay. I realized that this is my first time being an 'upperclassman' in college. I know I'm late, but I would definitely take 'better later than never' into account. The plans that I have for myself now are far beyond what I had imagined two years ago. I want to expand my horizon as much as possible. I'm comfortable where I'm at and I want to embrace it.
Looking over my 'nursing program evaluation' helped me to see how much progress I've made. Things are moving along slowly, but I'm still proud nonetheless. And finally ending my job for the Summer was also bittersweet for me. When I said my 'goodbye' to my site director/ favorite co-worker at Redondo Beach, I had to try my best not to cry and I could tell she was doing the same. I was blessed to have her support at my first 'real job.' She really helped me to learn more about how to work with others and how to improve myself as well. We clicked so well as a team and we made our time at work as fun as possible. It was definitely hard saying bye to someone who developed a strong impact on your life over a short period of time. Before I left she said to me, "You've grown out of your shell," with the biggest smile. It made me happy because that was exactly my goal all along when I started the job.
This school year is going to be all about 'setting goals.' I may not reach all of them, but I feel like at least acknowledging what I want is a step forward for myself. Keeping something at the back of my mind will only hold me back, so I can't be afraid to dream big things. My GPA as of right now is above a 3.5 and it would be awesome if I could maintain that until the end of my senior year. It would be nice to try and get some kind of scholarship. I would love to step my foot into the health care working world by the start of next Summer. Those are just some of the things I'm hoping for. I know I'll have more to add onto my list later, but right now I just want to be able to say my goals knowing that I am capable AND worthy of them. Trying hard and never giving up is my only policy, put those two things together and 'failure' won't even cross my mind because I'll see myself as a winner, every single time.
