"One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from
Let me feel
I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall even if I hit the ground
And if I cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived just a little
I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me
I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from."
-Haley James Scott "Let Me Fall" from OTH
I really love this song...it's a song that I personally can really relate to. I want to be somebody who takes chances once and awhile. I feel like I can be really uptight when things aren't planned out because I like being careful. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not exactly the best thing either. I feel like I'm at that point in my life where EVERY decision I make has to be well thought out and I'm scared of making more mistakes. But you have to make mistakes in order to learn, right? Because the things that are most difficult to get through are the things in life you'll grow the most from. And I truly do believe that. I don't know, I've been kind of up and down lately.
I thought that everything was going great until I opened up a letter in the mail today from MSMC. It said that their residence halls on campus are already full and that I don't have a guaranteed spot for Fall semester. I start school in LESS THAN a month, and that's the kind of news I get? I'm freaking out right now because I don't have a place to live. I don't know anyone in LA, so that means I'm going to have to probably get a one bedroom apartment unless some miracle happens that a spot opens up for me in the dorms. This sucks because now my parents have to worry about looking for a place with me, especially a place that is AFFORDABLE, close to campus, and "safe." But, maybe I can find someone who is looking for a roommate? That sounds risky, but I just might have to do that. I'm considering ALL options at this point because I need to pull something FAST to make this work out. I really wanted to make this transition easy for my parents, but this is not making that possible. I don't want to stress them out, but if I'm stressing out THIS much I wonder what they must feel like...
I'm really praying for something good to happen right now. But I know my Monday is going to be filled with making phone calls and making appointments to probably go apartment hunting after my orientation next Friday. Hopefully everything will work out just fine. Hopefully.
