There’s so much craziness
Surrounding me
There’s so much going on
It gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone
You bring it back to me
You make it real for me
When I’m not sure of my priorities
When I’ve lost sight of, of where I’m meant to be
Like holy water washing over me
You make it real for me
And I’m running to you baby
You are the only one who’ll save me
That’s why I’ve been missing you lately
Coz you make it real for me
When my head is strong
But my heart is weak
I’m full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can’t find the words
You teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me
Oh everybody’s talking
In words I don’t understand
You’ve got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
You’re shining in the distance
I hope I can make it through
Coz the only place that I want to be
Is right back home with you
I guess there’s so much more
That I have to learn
But if you’re here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere
Somewhere I can run
You make it real for me - James Morrison
I know this song is supposed to be about a loved one. But for me, it's the perfect song to describe my relationship with God. He makes this life real for me. I've been applying what I've learned in my religious studies classes to my everyday life. There's a chapter in one of the books we're reading entitled "Sitting." It encourages any type of personal contemplative discipline, or prayer as a central part of faith. Sitting alone and meditating everyday will supposedly benefit all aspects of one's being such as blood pressure and lowering stress levels, but most importantly it gives you a sense of peace and wholeness. In addition to that, it gives me time to have some quiet time with God, to just talk to Him everyday. I don't know if it's a psychological thing, but I feel I have been doing better ever since I started praying at the chapel everyday. I feel stronger, more open, free.
I feel like my perspective on life is changing. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of scared at how deep I'm falling into prayer. When I was in the chapel the other day there was a moment where I felt everything stop. It was as if my body fell asleep for a few moments, but I was still conscious. I guess being at a Catholic college has had an affect on me, even in these few short months of being here. I had the opportunity to interview one of the Sisters for my faith development class and just listening to her outlook on being Catholic was inspiring. One of the questions I asked her was "Do you have any words of wisdom for those struggling in their faith or who question the existence of God?" and she told me four simple words that have stuck with me - "FIND GOD IN EVERYDAY." She elaborated on her view of God as "100% love, a divine energy that she falls in love with that makes her live her life to reflect that love." Just having that opportunity to talk with her was really inspiring.
I find myself wanting to do more with my faith. Prayer isn't enough for me anymore. I want to find ways to really "live my faith." I'm starting to volunteer at the UCLA medical center next month, which can probably be a good start for me so I'm excited about that. Hopefully I will find more ways to serve, it's just hard finding time with school. The competition is really high at the moment especially since it's the last semester we have before the Nursing Admissions make their decisions. It's disheartening to see how low people have gone though. I heard people are refusing to help others now because they know how competitive the program is. That's ridiculous to me. As potential nurses, we need to learn how to WORK TOGETHER if we want to be successful. Even if there are only 90 spots for the program, we need to build relationships with other people for support. Nursing is a difficult major to take on alone. So here I am, making sure that I'm doing well and helping those who need it, because dammit THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
I'm really hoping that I can keep up my work ethic for the rest of the semester. It's going to be a a lot of hard work, but once again, He makes it real for me. He makes my dreams/aspirations REAL because I am worthy. I not only believe in myself, I believe in all the other pre-nursing students too. I don't only hope for myself, but I hope for ALL of us to be successful. That is my vision, not selfishness or hate, but hope.
