When I look at my life over the past two years without actively being in Liwanag, I realize that's when I was pushed the most. I had to motivate myself to pray on my own, reflect on my own, and find new churches to attend. Being at UCI made my 'spiritual accessibility' that much easier. Interfaith was there at all times of the week, Liwanag was there every Tuesday, and it just became routine. I became comfortable with that and I loved it. My faith grew soo much my first two years of college and I felt like a completely different person with a new perspective. But when I left, I was so shaken up by the whole situation that I started to have doubt. And that doubt stuck with me for a very, very long time. Yes, I made time to pray and go to church, but at the same time, I just felt like God had been unfair. It took me the longest time to understand why 'my plan' hadn't worked. I didn't like the feeling of being challenged, being overwhelmed with stress, and having to be away from the friends that I loved so much. My doubt blinded me from all the good things that I still had in my life. I focused so much on the negative that I never took time to appreciate how LUCKY I actually was to have been given a second chance for my academic career. But one day when I went home and attended church, our Monsignor was discussing how having doubt doesn't necessarily drive you away from God, but it actually gives you a chance to grow even CLOSER to Him. I can't remember exactly what he said, but I just remember smiling at the end of his homily because it all clicked at that moment.
After two years of questioning & doubting, I still kept my faith. It may not have been as strong as it used to be, but faith is what helped me get through and led me to accept this new life that God had planned for me all along. I'm in a great Nursing Program, I have an internship at UCLA Medical Center, and I just recently got hired for a Summer Job as a teacher at a Science Camp for kids. If that's not being blessed, then I don't know what is. God gave me these opportunities, I just had to go after them no matter how many times I failed before getting there. I've grown some 'thick skin' ever since I've been in LA and its given me the confidence and motivation to go after what I want. When I see just how great my life has improved after overcoming so much crap these last few years, it feels liberating. All I had to do was just try and believe in myself. It sounds simple, right? But I think we all know just how difficult it can actually be with everything that goes on in our busy lives.
I almost didn't finish filling out the application for the job I was just hired for because it was so long and didn't think I was qualified to be a teacher for kids. But something told me to keep typing and thankfully I was emailed back for a phone interview. My interviewer said that most people they hired had teaching credentials or previous teaching experience, but she made me an exception because she enjoyed my sense of personality and a 'spark' in my voice that would be a good addition to the team. I couldn't believe she gave me this chance, but I am extremely grateful and I know that God gave me that energy to impress her. It goes to show that you should ALWAYS give 100%, no matter what the circumstances, because you never know what good can come out of it. Things really DO get better with time. Now I feel like my whole life is finally planned out. I know that I want to do and I'm willing to do what it takes to get there.
"If you want to see change, if you want to see God open new doors, the key is to bloom right where you're planted. You cannot wait until everything becomes better before you decide to have a good attitude. You have to be the best you can be right where you are." -Joel Osteen
Saturday marks the celebration of a great journey that I've had with Liwanag over these last four years. It's not 'goodbye,' but a chance to use what gifts we've received from this family for a greater purpose. It's going to be scary, but sooner or later, everyone has to leave their comfort zone in order to grow. Some people choose to lead comfortable lives, mingle with the same group of people, stay close to home, and 'be safe.' But that life just isn't for me. I feel it and I know it. I won't let myself stay in the same place until I die, I need to do more with my life. I'm determined to seek out every single opportunity that God has planned for me. Faith goes a long way and I'm more than excited to see where it will take me.
