It's that time of year again. That time to have to say good-byes, that time to feel like giving hugs that last forever, that time to tell them how much they meant to you...
Last night was Liwanag's last meeting of the year. I'm still shocked at how fast this year has gone...but I was asked to give a talk on "Live in Me as We Remember" and how we have grown ad Catholics throughout the year. So I looked back over the year, picked the parts that I wanted to talk about, and tried to make it as light-hearted as possible. I have to admit it felt great being up on the mic, being able to just share with my brothers and sisters, sharing laughs and exchanging smiles. That was a really special experience and I'll never forget about that :]
Then, the Seniors all gave their own talks and shared stories, their wisdom. I still remember when last year's seniors gave their talks and since I wasn't as close with them, I don't think it had the same effect on me as this year. My heart really just ached, seeing each one of them go up there, knowing that they're not going to be here next year. Also, the alumni, like Julian, Kathy, Kirst, and Mel gave talks...and it just made me think how LOG is going to be next year without all of these wonderful,talented, and passionate people...people who I have grown to love over these last two years. Heck, I don't even know if I'm gonna be back next year and I think that's what killed me the most. I think that's what made me cry. Especially when we sang our last Our Father with the Seniors in the middle...I couldn't even finish singing because I got so choked up. It's so surreal to me and as much as I don't want to think about it, I can't seem to stop.
I'm so overwhelmed with everything. It's almost emotionally painful, but it's weird because at the same time, I'm overwhelmed with LOVE. I really felt the love in Interfaith for that last meeting...it was SO genuine. And it was that same genuine feeling that I felt the first time I walked through those doors, when I was greeted with warm smiles and hugs. Interfaith may just be this little janky trailer, but for me, it's where some of my best memories at UCI took place. And I cannot say how thankful I am and how blessed I am to have gotten to bond with everyone this year, especially the seniors. It sucks having to see another class leave...I think it's gonna be more difficult...or actually I just KNOW.
What's life gonna be next year without my Co? WIthout Jamie's corny remarks? WIthout Nikki singing for music min? Without Julian's personality? It's going to be different for sure...but I need to keep that fire burning. I need to still have that same passion for Liwanag. And just like the seniors said, my class is going to be the one reaching out to the younger ones next year. It's going to be up to us to help them feel welcomed, to feel loved, to feel that they belong somewhere safe. And I want to share that experience, so bad. I want to be able to touch someone's life just like my Co and the seniors have touched mine. If I could give anything to anyone, it would be the light, the light of God. Because it truly shines so bright in Liwanag. And I think the one thing that scares me the most about not knowing if I'm staying, is just missing out. Missing out on seeing the freshmen this year grow...
Just seeing how much the freshmen in my family have grown over the year...it makes me SO happy. And I want to savor as many of those kind of moments as possible. I really can't wait until next week because that's when I'm going to find out if I stay or go. It really is bittersweet...but it's up to Him. And all I can do is be humble and wait patiently...make the most out of these last few weeks with the seniors and alum. No regrets. <3
