Last night was Liwanag's end of the year mass and that special activity we do at the end of it. I knew that I would have to watch as the new people for Core made their pledges and I'm not going to lie...watching that made my heart ache. It's not that I wasn't happy for them at all, because they are a RIDICULOUSLY amazing group of people and I know that they are all going to take Liwanag to another level next year. I'm so proud of who they chose to be the leaders and there's NO DOUBT in my mind that Liwanag will be in WONDERFUL hands for the next bunch coming in. But just knowing that I could've been up there last night, knowing that I could've been part of that Core leadership for next year and having to have turned it down...I still find it difficult to accept. But, I know that everything happens for a reason. MY "no" turned into somebody else's "yes" and maybe that's exactly what was supposed to happen.
After having the chance to talk with everyone last night, I just KNOW that I have nothing to be afraid of. I may not understand a lot of God's plan for me, but I DO know that I am blessed. I know that I am loved. I know that I have a family that will NEVER abandon me. Even when I may feel completely lost, their light will ALWAYS lead me back. This year has been such a growing experience being able to serve as a family leader. I learned so much about what it means to truly serve and to be someone that people count on. I told myself at the beginning of the school year that I would do all that I could for this family and I truly believe that I did just that. But that strength didn't just come from me alone, it came from my Co, it came from the upperclassmen, especially the Seniors. They lit that fire in my heart, they gave me the courage to step up and to share myself with the rest of them. But most importantly, they accepted me for who I was. They helped me to feel comfortable in my own skin, and that's amazing because its something that I've been struggling with for most of my life. I just feel like the walls that I've built around myself have been broken down by the love that I've experienced in Liwanag this year.
When people told me that have seen MY passion, MY willingness to serve, MY thoughtfulness, MY kindness...it just really made me feel sooo appreciated. They helped me to realize parts of myself that I continually fail to see, or acknowledge. And just knowing that I have done what I initially aspired to do...it's the most REWARDING feeling. It's not everyday that you get to have a heart to heart with someone and that's why this EOTY activity is so special to me. I really wanted to make sure I said everything I wanted to people, and I hope I did. I think that having one-on-ones is emotionally cleansing because throughout they year you just go with the motions. You joke with each other, make fun of each other, suffer academically together...but you never really get the chance to just sit down with someone and let them know how much they mean to you, to tell them that you love them. And that really is something special...something that I don't take for granted.
I know I say this a lot, but words of gratitude are not enough to justify the love that I have for Liwanag. And I guess that's why I find such pleasure in serving...it's MY way of giving back, of showing everyone that what I'm feeling is REAL. That's one thing that I really hope to continue...to spread His light WHEREVER I go. Thank you Liwanag for an such an incredible year. Thank you for helping me grow. Thank you for showing me what it is to love. Thank you.
