You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
I bought the Katy Perry CD this weekend and I think this is one of my fave tracks off of her record. The first thing I thought of when I listened to it was Liwanag, especially because of the "ignite the light and let it shine" part. I miss them like crazy but they constantly remind me to let my light shine in my times of darkness...
I can't even begin to describe just how down & frustrated I've been lately. This whole "being a transfer student" thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I kind of feel oddly out of place because it's hard trying to get myself integrated into this new environment. I'm trying to get involved with things on campus, I've sung for mass with the choir and I attended Pangkat Pilipino's first gen. But I don't feel like I BELONG yet. I guess it's going to take some more time to find my niche and sometimes I feel like I'm not TRYING hard enough, but most of the time I just don't even really care.
Is that sad? To not care about feeling left out? It kind of sucks, but at the same time I feel that I can't FORCE anything to happen. When those friends come along, or when that opportunity comes around, THEN I will be receptive to it. But right now, I guess I just have to be more of an independent person. I feel like I expected too much of myself with this whole situation and it's not exactly how I imagined it to be.
Things are starting to pick up with school. My first speech is coming up, I've already been having quizzes and papers, so I'm starting to feel really busy. And that's ok, but I just really miss having those group of friends to chill with when I become overhwlemed or looking forward to every Tuesday nights to go to Liwanag meetings. But I feel that what I miss the most is praise & worship...I pray a lot on my own, but I miss putting myself in that deeper sense of prayer. That was a HUGE stress reliever for me and sure, I can listen to Hillsong all I want on my ipod, but it's not the same.
I'm trying to "move on" from UCI, if that makes sense. I'm trying not to miss it so much. But I feel like I'm holding onto it still because that's my only sense of comfort right now. There's still an emptiness that needs to be filled and hopefully I will find that piece soon. I trust that He is going to lead me to bigger and better things.
