I literally got a headache from trying to memorize different parts of the bones in Anatomy Lab today. My head was throbbing throughout the rest of my classes and I couldn't wait to come back to my apartment and take Tylenol. When I got back I did just that and I attempted to get some reading done on the couch but ended up taking a nap instead.
Wednesdays aren't the best for me, but it helps that I am suffering alongside my friends too. We're all starting to feel the stress of wanting to do well, but we're learning that it's not easy. I'm bracing myself for next week. I have an Anatomy Lab Midterm on Wednesday, a partner speech presentation on either Tuesday/Thursday, my Anatomy midterm on Friday, and also my Microbio quiz on Friday. Thinking of all I have to do just seriously makes me want to cry...but I've learned that crying isn't going to do anything for me. I GOTTA STEP IT UP.
I've been looking forward to going to LOG's first gen this upcoming Tuesday since it's always the BEST meeting all year, or at least I think so. I enjoy seeing all the new faces and just feeling that sense of energy and enthusiasm in Interfaith. I really need that positive energy right now, but I've decided to put school first and to not go :( It's really upsetting since I told myself that I would make the effort to go, but priorities change. I have to use my time more wisely if I want to do the best I can on these exams. This might not even seem like a big deal, but it is to me. I'm learning more about sacrifice and it's hard making these decisions. I can't be as careless anymore. I used to put Liwanag before everything and now that I'm in L.A. I can't do that. It's a good-bad type of situation but I guess I'm just scared that missing first gen is going to set my involvement in LOG this year. I wish I could be in two places at once, but it's difficult when your heart wants two things at the same time.
Things in L.A. are really starting to fall into place and I'm so grateful. Study groups, hanging out in-between classes, planning for birthday celebrations...it feels good to have my social life back. But if this is what I wanted, then why do I still feel, incomplete? I am still dealing with this transition at my pace but it's kind of weird I guess. I have this whole "gain something, lose something" situation that I feel is happening and I definitely don't want to lose any part of my past. But I feel like a rift is going to form soon and I have to WORK to keep that from happening. I just wish I didn't have to work so hard.
