"Stop and stare, you start to wonder why you're here not there. And you'd give anything to get what's fair, but fair ain't what you really need. Oh, can you see what I see?"- One Republic
"What is your back-up plan if you don't get into the nursing program?" Guess what, going here WAS my back up plan so I've honestly never thought of a "back-up plan for the back-up plan." If I don't get in this time around, then I have NO IDEA what I'd do.
I HATE how being in this course of study keeps me stressed everyday. I'm strong enough to not let it break me, but I just want this semester to end. The fear of not making it AGAIN is something I don't want to have to think about. Personally, I don't think that the nursing admissions rubric is the best way to determine who gets into the program. It's solely based on a point system. Someone with a 3.0 GPA gets the SAME amount of credit/points as someone with a 3.49 GPA. They don't look at a person individually, just by points. I'd like to think that they would actually take the time to examine each person's transcript, but when I asked my counselor, she told me it wasn't like that. And that's not fair, especially for me since I transferred. A bunch of "C's" are rolling over to my GPA right now which is screwing my chances of getting the maximum amount of points. Of course the first years have a better chance of getting in at the moment because they haven't taken as many classes, and it's much easier to do well here than at a UC.
All the confidence I had partly diminished this week because I realized that I'm not going to have as many points on the rubric as I thought. I don't like feeling frustrated, but I'm starting to prepare myself for the worst. There's currently 130+ students left in the pre-nursing pool for the 90 open spots in the program, yet we have been assured this number will decrease to 100 or less after this semester. But I'm not so sure that many people are going to let theirself slip this late in the game because the ones that are left are fighters, like myself.
I'm scared. I run these different scenarios in my head and it's not fun. I've been so focused on the positive and optimistic side (which has been GREAT), but it's always necessary to have a back-up I guess. I'm just holding on with everything I have. Hopefully God will shed His grace on my second chance. I already have a plan for if I get into the program and it's something I've always wanted to do. I just pray that I will be able to pursue this dream and this career. There's nothing else I want. Just this. So, "steady feet, don't fail me now, imma RUN til you can't walk..."
