“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.”
- John Ed Pearce
I'm sooo happy to be home for the weekend and I completely agree with the quote above. I know that I'm not even "old," but I get it. Lately I have been really homesick and I don't know why. I used to be completely fine with being away for weeks (especially away from my parents because they start to drive me crazy after awhile), but every time I go back to L.A. now, I just wish for the weeks to go by faster so I can come back. Maybe it's the fact that I don't feel "at home" in L.A. as I did in Irvine. Maybe I've just grown to acknowledge the fact that I want my OWN space. Or maybe I just miss home altogether. I really wish I could say that "I'm happy to be graduating next year," because at the moment I DO want to move back home. I like the feeling of comfort, having my parents around, and being able to relax in my own room. It's frustrating but I know I just have to deal with it.
But then again, maybe a part of me is scared to grow up and let go. I mean, I'm 20 years old now so I should be able to take care of myself, yet I enjoy the feeling of being taken care of. I think I'm just at an "in-between" type of stage right now where I can't have one or the other, but rather a sort of balance. I find myself not satisfied with a lot of aspects of my life at the moment, so being home makes me feel better. I guess I just found the answer to my problem... I miss a lot of things right now and home is the only thing that is giving me some sense of stability. I always know that I can go home, but I'm not so sure about lots of other things.
Ohh life. I try not to worry too much but that just means that I care. I wish I had all the answers, but that is why He is there, right? I'm devoting more of my time towards prayer hoping that just maybe He will speak to me in the silence. But even if He doesn't, it's just nice to know that He's there.
