05] A time you thought about ending your own life.
I would be lying if I said "I've never thought about ending my own life," because I actually have. DISCLAIMER: THE PAST IS PAST. IT WAS A DIFFERENT PHASE IN MY LIFE. Keep that in my mind. This is gonna be hard to write, but I can't lie, so here it goes...
I believe it was my second or third year of high school. I absolutely hated it. I hated the people, my home town, feeling left out. I dreaded waking up every morning knowing that I had to go to school with a bunch of ignorant punks. I didn't really have any close friends because I only talked to a few people who were in band with me. Other than that, I was alone. I made myself believe that no one cared about me, that I was worthless. And I wondered if anyone would even care if I was just...gone.
I was unhappy with myself. I hated being in my own skin. I wanted to be prettier, smarter, skinnier. I thought of running red lights and hopefully getting hit in the middle of the intersection. I thought about downing a whole bottle of aspirin. I wondered what it felt like to cut and bleed. I thought about drowning myself in my own bathtub. All I felt everyday was constant PAIN. I just wanted it to end because my life felt so empty. I remember one night I snuck up a bottle of Tylenol to my room and I just stared at it for the longest time before I broke into tears. I never opened it.
Now when I look back on it, I can't believe I almost attempted suicide. Just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster. How could I, of all people, have this history? It makes me feel so disappointed and ashamed. I don't even know how I got past all of that, but I did.
THE PAST IS PAST DON'T LET IT FOLLOW YOU.
